“What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.” — Leo Buscaglia

Maybe it’s finally time to rescue the concept of ‘the pursuit of happiness’ from the hands of the so-called self-help gurus. That’s the message in an article in Huffington Post by Roger Fransecky (”Happiness Is A Choice“).

Starting from considering the popularity of a Harvard course in positive psychology, the article explores the study of well-being — not the traditional topic of psychology, which has tended to be more interested in mental problems than how to enjoy life more. Continued

We can still avoid worse to come

I’m sure you’ll understand why this article by Michele Hanson on British newspaper The Guardian’s ‘Comment is free’ blog system appealed to me (“Everything is done at top speed. We need to slow down before we have a global nervous breakdown”).

Why are we so obsessed with speed? Does doing something faster truly make it better? I doubt it. The faster we rush through life, the less we are able to enjoy it. There’s no time to take in either the pleasures or the learning opportunities. Like someone gabbling the legal jargon at the end of a TV advert, it’s just about impossible to understand.

Road rage isn’t the only symptom of a society in which getting what I want now — the faster the better and don’t anyone get in my way — takes precedence over knowing whether it’s going to be any use to me when I do get it.

As Ms. Hanson says:

Everything now has to be done at top speed. We are all on a planet-sized bolting horse. No one can stop it. People are forever coming round here glaring crabbily at my computer because it isn’t fast enough. It takes one whole minute when it ought be taking a nano-second. They sit there, desperate to get online, and to them the huge seconds trundle by, each like the passing of the longest night. Unbearable. “You need a new computer,” they complain rattily. “This is ridiculous.”

Slowing down would do us all a great deal of good. For a start, we might begin to question our values and inquire into what our politicians are doing in our name. We would have time to think and time to consider alternatives. We might even have time to enjoy life, instead of rushing madly to the next task, convinced that any moments not spent on ‘getting things done’ are wasted.

Utter nonsense! What’s the point of getting anything done if you haven’t considered what it is, why it matters or whether you’ll like the result? Or if you’ll have no time when it is done to experience the results, for good or ill?

Our world has become manic-depressive: bipolar, if you prefer that term. We’re either running around furiously, convinced the good times will never end, or sunk in deepest gloom, watching our savings drop into oblivion and most of our income going to buy a tank of gas.

Is there still time to stop the madness? I hope so, but we’d better start soon.

Technorati Tags: haste, speed, stress, obsession with speed, choice, time to enjoy life, slowing down, setting priorities, getting out of the rat race

A gentle attack on one of today’s sacred cows amongst coaches and gurus

Karen Salmansohn hasn’t much patience, it seems, with the idea of random acts of kindness (”To Hell With Random Acts of Kindness“). Instead, she want you to try conscious acts of kindness with the people you already know and love.

Quoting research by Gallup, she claims, amongst other things:

• If you feel close to other people, you are four times as likely to feel good about yourself and life.
• People who claim to have five or more true friends with whom they can discuss important problems are 60% more likely to say that they are “very happy.”
• People with a best-friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their work — though only 30% of employees report having a best friend at work.

Continued

It’s common for young people, especially young women, to claim that they “can’t do math.” Of course, it’s not true. It seems to be more a perception that math “isn’t cool” — or whatever the relevant expression is nowadays. It’s for nerds and geeks, like most intellectual pursuits. And while my guess is that this attitude is more prevalent in the US than most places, it seems to be common throughout much of the world.

That’s why this article in The Guardian “Comment is free” section intrigued me (“Geek + nerd = ?”). Ian Stewart, the writer, comments on the power of stereotypes to replace actual knowledge and how, once they are in place, they become hard to change. On the topic of geeks and nerds he writes:

The real problem, I suspect, is not confined to mathematics. The words “geek” and “nerd” were both coined in the USA, where they reflect a general tendency to despise all types of intellectual activity. Any interest other than television or sport is viewed as weird, be it collecting fossils or writing poetry. And when children encounter something difficult at school - such as mathematics - a natural defence mechanism comes into play. It is much easier to denigrate the topic, and make fun of the students who can handle it, than it is to admit to your own inadequacy.

I have to say that I view the thoughtless denigration of intellect in favor of ‘being practical’ with some alarm. Continued

Sometime, the blogosphere throws up something that’s odd, amusing and profound, all at the same time. That’s certainly the case in this article by Terence Blacker on one of the blogs of British newspaper The Independent (“Ignore the experts: here’s the secret of happiness”).

Here’s part of what he writes:

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the answer to the question of how to be comfortable in one’s skin, to enjoy moments of fleeting contentment, is not to be found on a campus or even in the pages of the Journal of Happiness Studies but in the world of ordinary, everyday experience. When a former bra-fitter in Colchester said this week, “It’s best not to dwell on the past”, she was on the right track.

     The past for Eve Graham included being the lead singer of a group called the New Seekers, whose song “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing” sold 12 million records. At one point during the 1970s, Eve and her band had five singles in the American charts. The work dried up and so, because of a legal dispute, did the royalties. Eventually, she ended up in the lingerie department of Debenhams. “I don’t earn a penny when a New Seekers record sells, and that can be irritating, but you can’t let it rule your life,” she says now.

Continued

Our days are full of sounds of all kinds: traffic noise, people talking, machinery whirring, background muzak playing endlessly, the sounds of walking or running. It seems people cannot get enough sound, given the number you see with iPods playing, the cars that drive up alongside you at the lights and suddenly assail you with a thumping beat, the endless music in stores, malls and elsewhere. But there’s one sound you almost never hear: silence.

I don’t think it can always have been this way. Our ancestors — probably not much further back the our great-grandparents — would have lived in world where something approaching silence was the norm, punctuated only by the sounds of nature. So it’s not unreasonable to wonder whether all the noise is doing us any harm; whether we are prevented from being what we could and should be, because we are constantly distracted by all that noise. Continued

Some ways to help bring back the pleasure and excitement to your life

Do you sometimes feel that life is against you? People around you appear preoccupied and indifferent to you. There are constant hassles and upsets. Whatever enthusiasm you once had has disappeared and everything feels gray. You have little energy and feel like giving up. There’s no spark. No sense of excitement or joy in life.

If it happens to you, don’t ignore the situation and hope it will pass. Don’t tell yourself you’re maybe coming down with a cold, or you just need a few days vacation and you’ll be fine.

Try some practical ways to refuel your internal life.

Ignoring feelings like those described above is a mistake. Although not spectacular, they’re a symptom of your mind telling you that you’ve lost your way in life. Until you get back on your path, they’ll keep returning. Continued

How to use your time wisely by reflecting on experiences so you are free to make good decisions.

Webster’s Dictionary defines reflection as a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.

Reflection is not highly thought of today. Those of you who like to spend time reflecting may be accused of “doing nothing” and “wasting time in idle speculation.” If you take time to come to conclusions you are labeled a procrastinator. If you spend time with imaginative thoughts, you are a “dreamer” or accused of being idealistic and impractical. Modern society values immediate action. You are not given the time for reflecting on what that action should be. You’re expected to be able to select the correct action instantly, even though you have no basis on which to decide how to proceed.

This is ridiculous, and leads to all sorts of mistakes, when people are unable to take time to see the truth of what is required. The world is viewed through the ideas and values learned from the past. And that view will be faulty if those ideas and values are not sufficient for your to see clearly, or if they are obscured by falsehoods.

Will success only come about if you have experience you can call on? Are copying others or using standard approaches sufficient? Continued

One of the commonest pieces of advice given to people who claim to be overworked is to delegate more. Often, the response goes something along these lines: “I’d do that if I could, but there was no one available/everyone else was too bust/you can’t get staff good enough/the client wanted me.”

Writing in a blog for the Australian paper The Age (“Don’t have tickets on yourself”), Valerie Khoo faced the same problem: Continued

You are the best person to know how to organize your life. No one else will be able to help you as well as you can help yourself.

Don’t be swayed by other’s ideas
There are many books and programs on the market with titles which have the words Self Help in the title. These books and programs are full of other people’s ideas.

Everyone of them is written by someone who discovered for themselves how to sort out their life to make it more enjoyable.

You can waste a great deal of time trying out some of these ‘How To’ books.

You can’t live your life through others’ ideas
Why is it that these books don’t really answer your questions? It’s because you are choosing to take someone else’s path, one that probably caused them a great deal of trial and error, but that is now written down as a simple plan. Continued